Wasted Time

So I am 45 and have wasted a lot of my life. I have wonderful kids and a beautiful wife and life is pretty good. But ever since I can remember I have had stories and ideas in my head. Lots of them. Every time I try to pt hem on paper , be that drawing or writing I feel like i have failed as a creative force. And yes I said force. Artist and writers are a force because they move people in there lives and decisions. I have spent a lot  of my life looking at other peoples art and writings and thought i can do that, but i never do. I start things and rarely finish them. I did write one short story and it got published. But that was awhile ago. I want tot say that its because of my two jobs and i’m always hurting and to some degree that is true but its also me. I’ve never been able to finish stuff. I don’t know why but its the way I am. Its always a uphill struggle with me. Even writing this i’m pushing my self. I watched the behind the scenes on The Force Awakens Blu Ray and I was watching all the writers and artist that worked on that film and think to myself why am I not working on something like that? Or why have I not wrote a book? Or drawn a comic, heavens know I have plenty of ideas in my head. This is not going to be one of those times I say I’m gonna turn over a new leaf or some  of that shit. I’ve done that to many times and just failed. I’m so tired of failing. So tired.